Anorexic Deer

(Please be advised: Although this was written while I was in Virginia, this is currently being posted from Pennsylvania.)

Sitting around in the backwoods of Virginia (Shenadoah Valley to be exact) is almost as fun as sitting around in my usual hangout – Toronto suburbia. Differences are as follows:
Valley has more mosquitoes. Toronto has more crime. Valley has more nosh. Toronto has more people to share your nosh with. This Virginian valley has more ski hills. Toronto has more winter. Virginia has that ol’ 21+ law. Torontonians either need to be 19+ or have a decent bought ID. Oh Toronto, how I miss you.

I am having a fun time though. It’s a lovely little condo and the air down here is amazingly fresh. It reminds you how crappy the air can be in the big city. Most smog in southern Ontario comes from the US though. We Canadians plant all our cities by the border – the Americans put all their factories there. Anyone ever drive to Lewiston, New York? That’s a lot of smoke stacks along the ol’ Niagara River.

It’s nice to be with the family. I thought the heat would cause us all to get pissy and put us at each other’s throats, but instead we are banding together and drinking lots of water, eating lots of junk food, and lounging around in the pool in between car rides and driving around. A really scrawny deer ran across the road today while we were driving. “Anorexic deer!” someone shouted. I don’t get it really. There is so much foliage out there. Why is that deer going hungry? Maybe she (I’m pretty sure it was female) is just a picky eater.

“Oh, no! I don’t very much care for this grass at all. And these leaves? Hideous. Anyone got a buck for the vending machine? Ha ha! Get it? I said BUCK! Oh, how I hunger…”

Damn animals. Feh. I did see a beaver and some Canadian geese today. They really made me feel at home.

Toronto suburbia, I miss you so much that I am going to write a poem in your honour. I just read some A.M. Klein, and now I’m in the mood. Be advised folks, my poetry is not very pretty.

Ode to Toronto Suburbia

the grass needs mowing. Father reminds me.
crime rates risen. Bathurst bleeds true.
the ice cream truck jingles, its bell a cool luminescence in the darkness of that which is hot.
I like ice cream.

too many wild cats. Not enough tame.
Tired. _________________________
_____ Poetic. ___________________
___________Convention._________
_____________________Is. ______
______________________ _Very.___
____________________________Gimmicky.
many flowers bloom, even as trees melt.
No, I do not want to buy weed, but do tell your grandson I say hello.
biking to Mike’s. The journey is longer now.
frisbee in the park. Elderly ladies in the park.
Bad combination.
Sorry ma’am.
should go mow the lawn. And eat ice cream.
I like ice cream.